Tell Me When Will the Hurt Start to End
by rabbit-eared-warbler
Summary: TW: Suicide Attempt. Blangst Prompt of the Day #511 (by anonymous): Set after the breakup. Blaine records a video of himself singing (on his Facebook or YouTube channel). In the video he starts crying. After watching the video one of the New Directions in Ohio (preferably Sam or Finn) goes over to his house to see if he's okay. They find him dead or dying after attempting suicide.
1. Chapter 1

TW: Suicide Attempt. Blangst Prompt of the Day #511 (by anonymous): Set after the breakup. Blaine records a video of himself singing (on his Facebook or YouTube channel). In the video he starts crying. After watching the video one of the New Directions in Ohio (preferably Sam or Finn) goes over to his house to see if he's okay. They find him dead or dying after attempting suicide.

**(Blaine's POV:)**

I just miss him so much. I understand that I hurt him and what I did was horrible, but he doesn't need to just cut me off. Can't he see what this is doing to **me**? Can't anyone?

Closing my eyes and taking a breath, I wonder if singing might help right now, if only a little. I find my camcorder on its stand in my closet, and I set it by my bed, pressing the record button and moving to the opposite wall.

I close my eyes and start to sing, loudly, trying to let all the pain out. When I feel the tears start I don't stop them, only finally quitting when I start to sob. Everything **hurts**.

I can't do this, can't take this anymore. What's the point without Kurt? He hates me. No one cares. Everyone would be better off without me.

I fall to the floor on my knees. After a minute I suppose I should get up. I sniffle, wiping my tears with my sleeve and going to my camera.

I consider just deleting the video but what's the point? I'm going to die anyway so who cares if I look like a mess in my last video.

I post it on Facebook before turning off my computer and going to find a knife. I just can't do it. It hurts to breathe.

**(Sam's POV:)**

I'm on Facebook chatting with Artie when I see it. Blaine's posted a video.

I click it to listen to the song. It's good, but that's not what I'm focused on right now. There's so much **pain** in his voice.

About two minutes in he bursts into tears. I comment on the post, asking _Are you okay buddy?_ Thirty seconds later I type a quick _g2g_ to Artie, the worried feeling in my stomach increasing as I drive to the Anderson household. I knock on the door and no one answers.

I try the knob and it's unlocked. I walk up to Blaine's room and what I see is horrifying. I rush over to where Blaine's leaning against his bed, wrists bleeding and a kitchen knife lying next to him. "Blaine?! Blaine, wake up!" I shake him.

When I don't get an answer I check for a pulse, relieved when there's a faint one. I take my phone out of my pocket and dial 911.

While in the waiting room of the hospital my first thought is to call Burt; I know he's the closest thing Blaine has to a father and no matter how much he hurt Burt's son the man would want Blaine to be okay.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Burt. It's Sam. I think Blaine really needs you right now."


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Woo…I feel like this wasn't worth the wait. Sorry._

_Trigger Warning: Suicide attempt and DISCUSSION OF DEATH—be careful; I know how sensitive the fandom is after 5x03._

Where am I? This is my first thought when I awake, before I even open my eyes. When I do, it's way too bright and I immediately shut them again. It's a hospital, I realize with a groan.

After a moment everything comes back to me and I wonder who found me. More importantly, who'd want to save me? No one likes me, not really. I open my eyes again, turning my head to see Burt sitting next to me. I feel humiliated.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, voice cracking.

The man looks at me in surprise. "You're awake," he states, looking relieved.

"Why?" I can't help but ask.

Burt looks me straight in the eye. "You're worth it. You deserve to be alive, kid. I was so angry when I heard what you did, but I never wished this on you."

I shake my head. "I can't live without him," I let out.

Burt looks at me in concern. "Son. That's not healthy, to depend on a relationship for happiness. I really hope you know that."

I shake my head, saying nothing. He doesn't understand. After a moment I have to ask: "Who found me?"

Burt answers, "Sam did. Then he called me?"

Sam? That's the last person I expected. I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion. "Why—?"

He cuts me off. "Do you remember posting a video?"

"_Oh_."

The man nods. "Do you want to talk to him?"

I nod, just a little.

Burt gets up and walks out of the room. A few seconds later Sam comes rushing in.

I don't know what I was expecting, but a shout of "You _idiot!_" was not it.

"Sam, what—?"

The blond cuts me off. "Do you know how scared I was? I thought you were gonna die!"

"That was kind of the plan," I bite back bitterly.

Sam seems to calm down a little, sitting next to me. "Well I'm glad it didn't work. I almost lost my best friend, you jerk."

I feel something break inside me. "I'm sorry." I didn't think I meant that much to anyone.

He shakes his head. "Don't apologize. Just work on getting better."

"Okay." I don't have the heart to protest.

We sit in silence for a few minutes before Sam breaks it. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I ponder this longer than you'd think someone would. Do I want to talk about it?

"Yeah," I say quietly.

Sam asks me, "Okay…why did you do it?"

"I…" I pause, trying to put it into words. "I just…couldn't take it anymore. I felt so…alone, you know? I didn't think anyone would care. And after what I did to Kurt—"

My friend shakes his head. "No, man. Blaine, even after cheating, do you honestly believe Kurt would want you _dead_?"

"I…" No. Kurt's too kind of a person.

"And do you think Rachel, Santana, Quinn, would be better off dead?" Sam continues.

I shake my head immediately. "Of _course_ not."

He looks at me. "All of them cheated, some more than once."

"It's _different_, Sam!" I reply angrily. He just doesn't get it.

"No, it's really not," he says sadly.

I shake my head. "It _is_!"

"How is it different, Blaine?!"

"It…it just _is!_" I'm not sure when the yelling started, when only a minute ago we were calm.

Sam shakes his head. "It's not. You're worth just as much as them."

I close my eyes against tears. How does he always know what to say?

Burt walks into the room. "Okay, I heard yelling. I think that's enough excitement for today."

Sam goes quiet then, looking at the ground. "When do I get to leave?" I ask quietly.

"Later today. The hospital called your parents; I'm sorry, I don't think they're coming," Burt tells me, looking upset.

I'm already shaking my head. "No, I get it. They're always busy." Even as I say it, I wish they'd come to support me just this once. "I didn't expect them to come," I point out.

Sam gives me a dark look. "Not funny."

I don't say anything.

It's awkward silence for the next few minutes until Sam blurts out, "I called Kurt."

"_What_?" Burt and I say at the same time.

Sam looks sheepishly at the two of us. "I just…He didn't actually pick up, but I left him a message saying—"

"What?!" I ask again. He said this in a _message_?

"Dude, let me finish!" Sam says, annoyed. "I sent him a message saying it was really important and he needs to call me back ASAP.

"It's not that important," I protest.

"Dude," Sam says sternly. "We all know you want your best friend here." After a pause, he adds, "Besides me of course," grinning and obviously trying to lighten the mood.

I snort and shake my head at him. "Dork."

"Hey, there you are! Got a laugh out of you."

"Shush," I snap halfheartedly.

Sam smirks. "Nope."

Burt just shakes his head. "You know, that _was _pretty dorky, kid."

This time I can't hold back a chuckle.

Hours later, I finally get sent out with Burt, Sam, and a list of recommended therapists that I don't particularly want to see. Finn, Tina, Marley, and Jake visited earlier. It felt kind of nice…until I realized they didn't just care—they _pity_ me. Then I just wanted them out. I didn't need to deal with that.

When we get to the Hudson-Hummel house ("Aren't you taking me to my house?" "Are you kidding? We're not leaving you there alone!") I thank Burt before going up to Kurt's old room by force of habit.

I sink face-down on the bed they never moved. A knock already sounds at the door. "Uh, dude?"

Sighing, I look up at him. "Yes, Finn?"

"Sorry about earlier. And don't fall asleep yet; it's time for dinner." He shifts on his feet awkwardly as he looks at me.

I just want to sleep. I don't care if it's only 4:00. I just mumble, "Okay."

I trudge down the steps and Carole wraps me up in a hug. "Hi, Carole," I say quietly.

"Hey, sweetie. I made spaghetti. Hope you don't mind."

I nod, suddenly feeling awkward as pull out of her arms. "Sounds fine. Thanks." We step into the kitchen where Burt, Sam, and Finn are already sitting. I sink down next to Burt while Carole dishes out the pasta. "Thank you," I say again, quietly.

"You're welcome." Carole sits on the other side of me and we all start to eat.

The table is silent the entire time until I finish and immediately bolt upstairs.

I take the blanket and wrap it around me, covering my ears as I hear the voices across the hall.

" … do we do? … helpless … Kurt almost here?"

Kurt…I nearly forgot about Sam's confession at the hospital. I don't want him to see me like this. He'll be disgusted; he'll wonder what he ever saw in me. He'll wish I succeeded.

They should've just let me die.


End file.
